My Fair Lady
by The Catastrophic Teacup
Summary: Forks’ hospital has organised a fun-fair and Edward finds himself saving a beautiful girl from a horrible fete - pun intended! ExB, AH. Entry for Bronzehairedgirl620's 'Epic T-Rated Contest', and in memory of Daddy's Little Cannibal.
1. Chapter 1

**Summary:** Forks' hospital has organised a fun-fair and Edward finds himself saving a beautiful girl from a horrible fete (pun intended)! ExB. All human

**Disclaimer:** I do not own 'Twilight'.

**A/N:** This is my entry for Bronzehairedgirl620's contest and is dedicated to Stephanie (Daddy's Little Cannibal). She was a brilliant writer and it was tragic that her life was cut short.

The rules are as follows:

**1.** No lemons. Must be rated 'T.'

**2.** Has to have a line or reference to a cannibal.

**3**. Has to have a line or reference to a fireman.

**4**. All canon pairings.

**5**. Has to be a one-shot, but is allowed to be continued once the contest is finished.

**6**. Must copy/paste these rules to the top of your submission. Two entries per person. Collaborations acceptable.

**7**. Must PM Bronzehairedgirl620 to alert them of your entry so we can add your story to the C2 if it fits the requirements.

The contest will run until June 6th, 11:59 MST (Mountain Standard Time.) Submissions need to be posted to FF and must follow the rules above.

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My Fair Lady**

**Edward's Point of View**

I could feel the frown on my face as I weaved through the overexcited infants and their exhausted guardians. My hands were shoved in my jeans pockets and I watched the ground closely, as if a hole would immediately open up and swallow me. Not that I would object.

I was not where I wanted to be.

Alice gracefully danced ahead of us, guiding Jasper along with her, leaving me to tag along reluctantly. Emmett had a large grin on, showing his dimpled cheeks, diminishing any look of intimidation once held.

Carlisle and Esme had parted with us as we arrived, telling us about him having to introduce himself to his new co-workers.

Yes, new co-workers. A new town, and a new hospital. Forks wasn't much; a small population inhabited this overly dreary and forever dreary rainy region. So, one could imagine my surprise when I awoke to find sunlight flittering through my large glass window. The lovely weather was very fitting for a summer's day and a nice plan had instantly formed in my mind; an absorbing book, my mp3 player, a bottle of water and a trip to my newfound meadow, would make the perfect day. Carlisle had, however, must have felt it unnecessary to inform his children that we would have to accompany him to the small town fair. I had groaned at the thought.

Carlisle and Esme had always been good to us. They were great adoptive parents; they had always respected us, treated us as adults and had let us make our own decisions, so I had quashed my irritation with the fact that I had to spend a beautiful, one-off day doing something that I would not have signed myself up for.

Heads turned to watch us wherever we walked. This was to be expected; we _were_ new to this town. But did they really have to ogle us unrelentingly and blatantly?

Rosalie, the vain, self-absorbed person that she was, savoured the lusty looks from men she received, and my annoyance peaked.

"Alice, Carlisle is not even here. I think I'm going to skip out the rest. Enjoy yourself," I said through gritted teeth and spun around.

"Oh no you don't!" Alice cried, grabbing a hold of my sleeve, her spiky black hair bouncing in my peripheral vision. Her small frame moved into my direct line of sight and I looked down to meet her eyes. "I warned Carlisle this would happen. So I've been put under official Edward-sitting duty!" Her smile turned into a full blown grin at my incredulous eyes.

"I am not a child, Alice. I do not need someone to watch over me and tell me what I can and can't do!" I snapped at her.

"Then stop acting like one. Just put up with it. You know how much this means to Carlisle. He is new here and wants to make a good image of the family before he starts work. This is a _charity_ being held by the _hospital_. So you know how important this is. Anyway, we'll all be heading to Seattle soon, so we won't be around to deal with this small town folk!" she smirked, her eyebrows raised, watching my resolve crumble.

I sighed, giving in. "I don't want you babysitting me."

"Then don't leave. Try to have some fun."

"Fine. I'll stay. I'm going to go look for something to do here." I looked around the small park which was hosting the equally small fair. The road had been blocked off to accommodate for it and a police cruiser and barrier were blocking it on each side. Not that it was necessary; this was a very non-busy road. There were many snack stalls selling popcorn, hot dogs and other artery blocking garbage, and various children's rides were scattered about.

"You'll have a great time, I'm sure of it." With a last wink and a tap of her temple, she pranced off, pulling Jasper behind her again. I rolled my eyes at the gesture. The whole family was aware of her precognition, her uncanny ability to know pieces of the future. She had visions from time to time, though she kept this information only known to her direct family, not only wanting privacy from others, but not wanting to risk being committed to some mental hospital or asylum.

I slowly meandered down the footpath, momentarily ignoring my predicament, and absorbed the sun and took in the lush greenery that was Forks. The large green trees were tall, bark covered in dark green moss, and the ground was damp. It was actually very pretty, especially when grey clouds didn't hang overhead.

People continued to look at me while I passed them, curious about the new family in Forks. It was a small town where news spreads fast, so we stood out like a sore thumb. I ignored the stares and continued on my pointless walk, vaguely aware of my surroundings.

My thoughts were disrupted by a small girl who was crying and calling out for someone. She had the appearance of one of the Quileutes from the reservation not far from town, and was wearing a floral shirt and a pair of jeans that had dirt marks around her knees, indicating where she had fallen over. Other families ignored her cries, too absorbed by their own offspring.

Worried about her wellbeing, I hesitantly walked up to the child who looked curiously up at me, tears ceasing momentarily.

"Hello, I'm Edward," I greeted her kindly, looking her over quickly for any signs of injury. There were none.

"I'm Cwaire," she enthused, a smile enlightening her face as she thrust her hand at me. I chuckled and shook it gently.

"Who are you looking for, Claire? Your mother?" I asked, looking around for any sign of a distressed woman looking for her child.

At this, she started crying again, shaking her head but managing to get out, "E-e-embwee...I-I-I lost-t him." She sniffed, hastily wiping her eyes with her small hands.

"Embry? What does he look like?" I asked, still on the lookout, assuming this boy to be a brother or babysitter.

"He's tall," was all she said.

I sighed and took her hand in mine looking around for a tall male. That was all I was working off, and I was hoping it would work out.

We slowly wondered through the stalls and rides, me occasionally asking whether a particularly tall person was him – all of which she denied – when we reached a part of the park which had a cluster of people surrounding some sort of stage. I wondered if there was going to be a performance.

I figured the crowd was the best place to ask about the girl, when I overheard a conversation between two very tall boys. I wondered if that was the height Claire was talking about. They both seemed to have the same Quileute appearance as Claire, with long dark hair tied into a ponytail at the nape of the neck, and I was curious as to what their relation was with the small child.

"Hey man, where's Claire?" One of the boys asked the other, who looked frantic. My ears perked up at the name, and I decided to take Claire over and ask them if she was the Claire they were talking about and if they knew her.

"Oh no, you haven't seen her either? We got separated in the crowd. She wanted an ice cream and kind of ran off...We were going to meet with Quil's mother, they had a playdate..." The other boy said, panic overtaking his eyes, which were darting around the place, searching amongst the many faces in vain to spot the small child.

I stepped forward, clearing my throat to catch their attention and pulling Claire with me. "Are you Embry?"

His head snapped toward me and his eyes widened. Then he took notice of the little toddler by my side and gave out a cry of relief, snatching her in his arms and hugging her as tightly as someone his size could without damaging someone so small.

"Unca 'bry!" Claire squealed happily, hugging him. "Hey, Unca Jay!" she said, waving at the other boy over the first boy's shoulder.

"Hey there, kiddo!" he said, ruffling her hair.

"Thank you so much, man," Embry said to me sincerely. I smiled and nodded before walking a bit further into the crowd to give them privacy, hearing Claire demand Embry to take her to someone called Quil, but also wanting look into what was going on.

Helping that small friendly child had really cheered me up. She was cute and friendly and I was glad that my time being spent here did some good. I was so sure it would be a waste.

I looked around and noticed there were many more males than females around, all peering eagerly at the stage. Taking this chance to find out something, I looked over to see a group of girls and women awaiting something at the side of the stage. They were all of different ages, from the youngest being about fifteen, to a few elderly ladies.

"So, Jake, you gonna bid for Bells?" I heard Embry ask the other boy, who was apparently named 'Jake'.

"Yeah, I think so. Maybe if she finally goes on a date with me, she'll realise she really does have feelings for me. She says she loves me but not in _that way_, but I'm prepared to convince her otherwise." He said this with an air of confidence and I could hear the smile on his face. He hesitated, as if contemplating sharing his thoughts, before continuing, "I don't understand her. Charlie even encourages it, but..."

I didn't want to be impolite and listen to them, so I tuned them out. Whatever they were speaking about wasn't my business. Instead, I watched as a middle aged man with glasses and a beer gut picked stepped to the front of the stage and faced the now silent crowd. Their intense stare made him fidget uncomfortably and he picked up a megaphone that was on the floor by his feet, fumbling with the switch on the back of it.

"Uh, hello everyone. Welcome to Fork's Hospital Fun-Fair! I hope you're enjoying yourself," the man said in a fake cheerful voice. I read him easily; he did not want to be here, and was initially nervous about talking in front of others. But then again, most people could see _that_.

"Okay, um..." he said, his eyes flickering to the women huddled at the far left side of the stage. "Well, I guess we should get this auction underway!" He smile was large and fake again.

There was a little commotion at the front of the crowd, and I heard the man addressing everyone stutter nervously again. I heard some members of the crowd sigh and shift on their feet impatiently. "Oh, right. I should explain things. Thank, Ms Cope," he directed a woman at the front. "Well, this a ... a date auction, I guess you could call it," he muttered the last part under his breath, but the megaphone allowed everyone insight into all that left his mouth. "Yeah, um, well, there are many lovely ladies who are here who you can bid for. If you win, you take them out on a date for a day. It can be any day, but you have to arrange it with your date. All the money goes to Forks hospital," he finished off, seeming glad to have got out all the important information.

A date auction? These women were willingly selling themselves off for a date to anyone that bids on them? I supposed it was all for charity, which may have motivated many of them, but some looked outright desperate and I knew that wasn't the case for those select few.

Glancing among the group of women, I caught a glimpse of an overexcited pixie. She was bouncing, causing some to give her strange looks. Of course Alice had Jasper to bid for her. She would have used her persuasive power over him to allow her to enter. She was now craning her neck and I followed her gaze to Jasper who was rolling his eyes and tentatively waving at Alice, causing many to look their way.

I chuckled and continued looking through the group of women. Several of them were over thirty, a few were elderly, but most were young. Some looked excited and eager, a few looked indifferent, and I saw only one of them who looked unwilling to be there. She was fidgeting and looking anywhere but at the crowd. But I noticed that she was by far the most beautiful of them all, though in a more subtle way. While many of the others flaunted their looks to anyone who would glance their way, she had an air of beauty and elegance with the way she stood, and she seemed completely unaware of it. Her shiny mahogany hair fell around her shoulders to her mid-back, with a tint of red in the sun, blowing in the slight breeze. She had very pale skin, though not as pale as me or my family, which allowed her deep, chocolate brown eyes framed with long dark lashes to stand out.

My eyes travelled downwards and I noticed her wearing a pair of blue jeans and a t-shirt and I laughed softly to myself. While the other women wore flashy, fancy, or revealing clothing, this beautiful girl chose comfort over fashion. I shook my head in wonder.

"Well, let's get started." The voice of the man with the megaphone broke my reverie and I watched as he gestured to the group of women. They all looked at one another, willing someone to bravely step forward first. I laughed again quietly to myself. They reminded me of a documentary I once saw about penguins; all of them had gone to the water to fish, but had waited for the bravest one to take the dive in, break the ice, if you will, allowing the others to follow their example and plunge into the unknown.

Alice stepped forward, taking the place of the first penguin, testing the waters.

The megaphone man, as I decided to call him, as he had decided not to introduce himself to the crowd, sighed in relief, obviously glad there would not be any difficulties with the women. "What's your name, little miss?" he asked kindly. I saw her say something, but I was too far away to hear, and I stepped forward a little bit. "This is Alice, everyone! And how old are you, Alice?" I saw her say something else, but was still not close enough to make out the words. "Ah, nineteen, eh? That's good." Alice was my only sibling that was my age, though she was adopted a few years after me. Jasper, Rose and Emmett were a year older than us. A few more basic facts about Alice were given out; the fact that she's new to town, she loves shopping, and the like. It took no more than a minute.

"Alright, are there any starting bids?" the megaphone man asked. He looked around the crowd for any bidders. I didn't know Alice and Jasper's plan yet, but Jasper was not bidding, so I was assuming that it was all to plan.

No one spoke up. Again, men in the crowd were hesitating, looking at one another uncertainly. It was just like the penguin thing. I mentally smacked my forehead at their silliness, but settled for outwardly rolling my eyes. I walked up to Jasper, who was chuckling and pat him on the shoulder, alerting him to my presence. He nodded before looking back up at Alice. After knowing her for so long, I could tell she was hiding a smile behind her pout. It was _the_ classic Alice pout, which no one could resist.

I sighed and decided to break the ice for the others. "Twenty dollars!"

Jasper looked at me, frowning. "She's worth a lot more than that, you know."

"I know. I just wanted to ease them in, you know. I don't know what you're up to, but I may as well help you out." I shrugged and looked back to the stage, bored. That's when I met _her_ eyes. The deep brown orbs pulled me in for the brief moments our eyes stayed on one another. But she blushed, staining her pale skin a beautiful red colour, before she looked down shyly.

I looked at Alice who was smirking at me, with a knowing look on her face. As if she knew something. It was easy to see this, as I had mentioned I was good at reading people, and besides, this was a look that Alice used when it came something to do with a vision of hers. I wondered what exactly she was getting at. She didn't tell me any specifics and I was getting frustrated at the way she was being so cryptic. When she was finally off that stage, I was going to make her tell me. Maybe she'll slip up and give me a clue.

The bids went on after I had initiated it and went up to until it came to be $180 dollars. I didn't know if that was high or not for auctioning off people for dates, but this was a small town where most people drove around beat up old cars, so they probably couldn't afford more. The fact that this was charity most likely soothed people's nerves about bidding for other people.

The man who had made the last standing bid on Alice was leering at her with a strange, unnerving look in his eye. His head was topped with light brown hair and regular features, both non-descript. Out of all his features, his eyes seemed the most vigilant.

Jasper noticed the unsightly man and glared. "Two hundred and fifty dollars!" he called out.

The man's head snapped toward Jasper and he glared back. "Three hundred."

So now there was an intense bidding war between the two of them. They were shotting daggers at each other with their eyes with glares so intense that no one wanted to get in the cross-fire should someone get injured. I chuckled mentally at my silly jokes.

"Six hundred," Jasper said. Everyone was watching the two of them, awaiting some rebuttal. But none came.

"Anyone else? No? Okay, young man, you win. You can come up here to collect your prize." Megaphone man said.

'Prize'? My frown deepened at the terminology. He referred to my sister – and probably will to the other women – as if she were an object. Sure, she was already being bid for to be 'bought' in an auction, and I thought that that in itself was rather degrading, but could he make it worse than it was?

Before Jasper could make his way up to pay at the woman at the front of the stage, Alice came running down and jumped into his arms, all the while squealing, "Jazzy!"

He laughed. "Come on, love, let's go pay." He gave her a chaste kiss.

"Oh! Can I do it?" I could practically hear Jasper rolling his eyes. "I'm just kidding!" Alice laughed.

They walked off to pay while one of the elderly women walked to the centre of the stage and the same interrogation began, minus the age question. The bidding was short, and another old man, by the looks of it her husband, won and paid. Alice and Jasper had just come back by then, and I took this chance to ask Alice what I'd been meaning to. Of course, she had seen it, but was not bothered enough by knowing that I wanted to interrogate her to avoid me. Otherwise she wouldn't have come back. This only meant that she knew what she was doing as she was going to win. I groaned internally. I certainly knew her ways, that evil little pixie.

"Alice, can you please tell me what you saw?" I decided to approach the issue politely.

"No."

"Alice, please?" I was now gritting my teeth, but she seemed unfazed by my behaviour.

"No. You'll have to find out for yourself."

"Come _on_! You know how it bothers me when you keep these things from me!"

"Yeah, and it's rather entertaining. You're reactions are certainly making it worthwhile," she said, smirking. "I might even do it more often to entice this behaviour from you."

"No, Alice! You can't do that. Why do you _do_ this to me!" I cried out, irritated beyond belief.

"I won't if..." she started off and smiled wickedly at me. So that was her plan. Blackmail.

"If..." I prompted, willing her to hurry up.

"If you come shopping with me to hold my bags!" I blanched.

"You already take Jasper with you." I evaded outright agreeing, though I could see no escape.

"When he has classes, you have to be his replacement," she said with a look that said 'duh'.

"Fine," I growled.

"Fine. See you later." She rushed off before I could stop her. She was supposed to tell me what she had seen. I went over the conversation in my mind and saw that that wasn't the agreement. I had been blackmailed into shopping so she would not withhold future visions from me. Not the current one. I had meant to come out on top, yet she had manipulated her way out of it, without me noticing. That cunning little...

"Okay," I overheard whispers coming from the side of the stage where a few more women were sitting. Through my discussion with Alice, many had already been auctioned off. "Ben said he will auction for me. He just got here. I really appreciate you doing this for me. Thank you."

I looked up to see the angel speaking. "It's okay Ang. You're just lucky you have someone there to bid for you." She said the last part bitterly.

Ang, who was a tall, pretty girl with light brown hair and a kind smile, squeezed the angel's hand. "What about Mike? He's out the-"

"Ugh. No thanks. He's been pestering me for what? Two years now? I had managed to worm my way out of it, and I don't want to encourage it by going on a date with him." She grimaced.

Ang nodded her head in understanding. "Jacob?"

She nodded. "Yeah, he'll probably bid. He's incorrigible!" Her hands flew up in exasperation.

"I know, Bella, but he would probably be the safest bet. You don't want to end up with some creep." From the look on the angel's face, newly founded to be named Bella, her friend quickly backtracked. "Not that you will of course. Forks is small. Most people are nice. You'll be fine."

"You're right. Though Jake probably won't win if other people bid. He hasn't got much money." I realised that this Bella was the girl that the 'Jake' or Jacob character had been referring to. So she was the one who was trying to deter his efforts, but he was persistent.

"Next up!" I heard megaphone man call to the ladies.

"I'll go now. You go next." Ang waved at Bella and walked up to megaphone man.

"See ya, Angela," Bella murmured. Another discovery, I noted to myself. Ang is short for Angela. I stopped what I was thinking. Why was I getting myself so absorbed by the lives of these townsfolk? All of whom I would not likely be seeing again, probably even when I'd visit my parents when not in Seattle, busy with college.

I didn't notice the bidding for Angela. I was surreptitiously watching Bella from the corner of my eye. She began to wring her hands nervously as it came closer to her turn and she kept on shooting glances at a short girl with curly hair who was sitting next to her. I looked at that girl and saw she was staring at me. Then she smiled at me and winked. I craftily hid my horror with gaining the knowledge that many of these women were eyeing me because they thought I wanted to bid. I actually didn't know why I was still standing there. I was too absorbed with Bella.

I turned to leave as Bella walked up to the centre of the stage, stumbling slightly. Her clumsiness was endearing. She shifted uneasily, still avoiding the crowd's eyes, and I noticed her face was scarlet.

The questioning took place again, and I couldn't help but listen instead of walking away completely as I had previously planned.

"This is Bella, everyone. Eighteen years old....She likes to read...Ok, let's just get the bidding underway." Megaphone man did less question asking with her than the others. Or it could have just been less since it was with Alice because I hadn't listened to any besides her.

"Fifty!" My head snapped immediately to the unsightly creepy guy who was again eyeing her in that same unnerving way as he had with Alice.

"Sixty," I heard Jake call.

"Seventy!" another brown haired teenager called.

"Eighty!" another blonde boy with blue eyes called out, very eagerly. Bella grimaced slightly and rolled her eyes, and I was sure I was the only one watching her closely enough to see this.

"One hundred," Creepy Creeperton, the next man to endure my nasty nicknames, hissed.

"Oh man," I heard Jake mumble before calling out, "One hundred and eight dollars and seventy seven cents?" he said like a question.

The blonde immediately said, "One hundred fifty." He said this almost smugly, as if he was certain her were to win. I looked at him more, noticing the roundish face with blonde hair carefully gelled into spikes on the top of his head. He was looking at her in inappropriate areas and I wanted to smack him. Hard. I wondered if this was the 'Mike' that Bella and Angela were speaking of. I couldn't be sure, but he seemed the overeager-unable-to-take-a-hint kind of guy.

"Three hundred," Creeperton said, looking like he was hoping to just shake of blondie.

Blondie frowned. "Four hundred." I wondered if he could even pay that amount, or was just wanting to win for principle of winning or something like that.

"Four hundred and fifty!" Creeperton growled, scaring Megaphone man, who began trembling.

Blondie's face dropped and he sulked, walking away. I noticed a man next to Creeperton pat his arm and say, "James, relax. Don't lose control." So Creepy Creeperton's name was actually James...

Megaphone man looked around the crowd, still quivering, for any other bids. Bella looked absolutely frightful and I felt sorry for her. She obviously had a lot of suitors, but she had to be stuck with someone who was not worthy only because they paid the most amount of money.

"Anyone else?" Silence. He looked around, James' glares increasing as Megaphone man stalled. Bella looked desperately around the crowd, until she met my eyes.

"Five hundred," I said calmly.

"Six!" James all but yelled at me.

"Seven." There were many gasps, and by now all heads had turned to me. James and I were in an intense glare-down. That's right, not stare-down, but glare-down.

Suddenly James growled silently but menacingly and stormed away.

"To that young man there, for seven hundred dollars!" Megaphone man cried out, obviously relieved he wasn't auctioning off a girl to someone who looked or acted dangerous.

"Come collect your prize," he said and I grimaced again at the terminology and glared at him again. He looked down immediately. I was still angry from the whole James debacle.

I walked up to the woman and the front of the stage and paid my money with my credit card. Once all was completed, I turned around to see Bella standing there, looking rather awkward.

"Hello," I said quietly.

"Hi," she pretty much whispered, looking down at the ground shyly.

"I'm Edward Cullen. Nice to meet you," I said, smiling warmly at her.

She looked up and a smile lighted up her face. "Bella Swan." After a pause she said, "So your father must be Doctor Cullen."

"Yes, he is. Can't escape Forks gossip, can you?"

"I'm afraid not, but one can try," she responded. "It was the same when I came in junior year of high school from Arizona. The news that Police Chief Swan's daughter had came back spread like wildfire." She sighed and shook her head slightly.

I smiled at her in understanding. We stood for a few minutes in silence, until I realised that I was just staring at her. "Oh, right. You don't have to go on a date with me or anything. I just wanted to help to out. You know, like the good Samaritan I am."

I was rewarded with her melodious laugh and glorious smile. "Thank you for that, by the way. That guy was...weird."

Weird? That was certainly an understatement.

"He kept on eyeing you...kind of like a cannibal eyes his next victim," I said trying to lighten the atmosphere, yet not wavering from the truth. "Did you know the other blonde guy who was bidding for you?" I asked, contemplating her being some kind of magnet for trouble.

"Yeah. That was Mike. He was bugging me throughout high school," she said. "He's a wannabe Forks fireman," she added suddenly, chuckling. "Like there would be that many fires with that much rain." Bella laughed and I joined in.

"Okay, well, I'll see you around maybe?" I said awkwardly, not really wanting to leave her.

"Wait! I should pay you back for saving me there."

"No, it's fine. Don't worry about it. Please," I said as she opened her mouth to argue, not at all worrying about the money that went to a good cause; charity and saving Bella from James, who was beyond creepy.

We stood there awkwardly, not knowing what to do next, for a few more minutes before I cleared my throat. I did not want to leave, as enchanted as I was by this young beauty.

"Uh, I guess I'll see you around," I said and forced myself to turn away, but was stopped when I felt her grab a hold of my wrist.

"Well, um...do you want to...hang out?" she asked shyly, avoiding my gaze and shifting her eyes away from me whenever she looked up.

I smiled and hesitantly grabbed her hand, intertwining her fingers with my own, then bringing it up to my lips and kissing it in a tender gesture, my eyes holding hers. This answered her question and she smiled a dazzling smile.

Walking out of the fair with her, hand in hand, I laughed quietly to myself, thinking about my earlier internal statement.

This was certainly where I wanted to be.

**

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A/N:** Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed it.


	2. Voting

Hey guys!

Thanks for your kind reviews. I love your feedback!

Please vote for me as voting is now up on Bronzehairedgirl620's profile page.

Or if not me, there are a heap of other stories that deserve a good vote! Really...

Steph


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